This S**t Ain't Easy

Life is now so different to how it was over a month ago. It’s crazy how this tiny being can create such beauty and chaos, that takes over your entire existence. I can’t believe Ismail’s a month old, yet still 3 weeks away from his actual due date. When we reach his due date, he’ll be a week away from 2 months old. Crazy.

He’s been at home, out of the NICU, for 2 weeks now, and we feel like we’re finally getting used to being parents. Rob and I are equal partners, which makes things manageable. Daytimes are not too hard, we just take turns watching him and getting life stuff done, and at night, we take turns each time he wakes up.

No one could have prepared us for how hard the nights are. Just trying to feed him and change him a couple hours after you’ve gone to sleep makes you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck, and trying to go on as if you haven’t been.

I love him so, so much, but at night, I get to that dark place where I think “life was so easy and manageable before, why did we have to add kids to it?”. Then, I’ll look at him, when he’s stopped screaming bloody murder, and I'm reminded of why. He’s an angel and gives me purpose. There’s no feeling like it.

I never expected that my entire existence would revolve around hoping to see poop. Literally, everyday, when I change Ismail’s diaper, and there’s nothing in there, I spend the next few hours hoping and praying that I’ll see poop in there the next time around. The main reason I want him to just get it out is because he’s constantly straining and seems so uncomfortable until it’s out. See, I’ve managed to make this whole paragraph about poop. I told you it’s taken over my life! No need for any advice or opinions, though, thank you. We’re working with our pediatrician to help.

I have 6 more weeks of paternity leave. We decided to not hire a nanny or night nurse, for now, as we wanted to prove to ourselves that we’re not those showbiz types who can’t manage their own kids. I might not feel that way for much longer. If one has the means, there’s no shame in hiring help, so that you have the most energy to give to your baby when you are watching/raising them. We don’t know if we are going to hire someone, but I guess time will tell. For now, it’s just me, Rob and making it all work as best we can.

Ok, other life stuff….

The Emmy’s are next month, and since I last got on here, we were nominated for 6 Emmy’s, including the nomination for Hosts. We have won 18 awards for QE so far, which blows my mind, but we’ve only been nominated in the host category once before, last year, and we didn’t win. I think we won’t win that one again, but there’s always hope. The voters just don’t see us as traditional hosts, as we’re not on a stage, we don’t have a script, and there are so many of us. I would love to win that award. We all would, but I'm pretty sure it won’t happen.

With the way things are going in LA, with covid, I don’t think I’ll be able to attend the awards, which is so sad, as I was having the most STUNNING outfit made for me to wear, but I guess I’ll have to wait for another occasion to wear it. It’ll be worth the wait, I promise!

Ok, that’s all for now, I'm sorry. Ismail literally just started to stir, as it's almost feeding time, so I’ll have to love you and leave you. I’ll be back on here next week, for another update!

Bye for now.

-Tan

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