When all seems horrifying in this world, I now have my baby to offer me hope

With all that’s going on in Ukraine, it's forced me to look more closely at what brings me joy, and what offers me hope. I know this is going to sound so gushy mushy, but being my son’s parent makes me feel like I at least have some control. Like, if I raise him right, if we all raise our kids right…to be kind, compassionate and empathetic, maybe they can curb the horrors we see every day. Not just what we see in Ukraine or the Middle East, but also the rights that are being threatened in the US against the queer and trans community. Could you imagine if we were to raise a future generation that would look back in shock at how humanity treated each other, and how we got away with it for so long? Gosh, I pray our kids start to lead our nations with love as opposed to judgment, hate and fear.

I know that this is usually a space where I talk about fun stuff that’s going on, and just random silliness. I will get back to that, I promise. When I first started writing these weekly posts, that was my intention, but things do feel a little heavy right now, and I can’t quite switch off from it. Instead, I’ve been focusing on what goes on inside the four walls of my home.

Ismail is turning 8 months this week, which we can hardly believe. I know I don’t share pics publicly, but trust me when I say that he is such a beauty. No, seriously. I can’t believe how pretty he is and that we get to call him ours! When I say I don’t share his image publicly, I mean not purposefully. I did accidentally shared a vid of him on my public IG account, on my story that I thought I was sending to my family group. I was mortified when my sister texted to ask when I started sharing his face online. I managed to remove it within 5 minutes of the post going up, and beat myself for days afterwards. But, sometimes with tech, shit happens that we don’t intend on. It’s just reminded me of how careful I have to be when posting.

He is now mostly sleeping through the night, but wakes up around 5:30am each day. My gosh, it's hard waking up so early. Right now, when I'm mostly working from home, it's not too hard to manage. I mean, I feel like a zombie all day, but I can at least take a nap at some point, to catch up on sleep. I have no idea how I'm going to manage when I get back to filming 10-14 hour days on Next in Fashion and Queer Eye. Being “on” all day was hard enough before I was a parent, and I feel like I’ve aged 20 years since, so I think it’ll be a shock to the system when I do get back to filming, soon, I'm sure.

I am looking forward to filming again, though. Honestly, I’ve missed it. It’s been around 7 months since we wrapped the last season of QE. So, I'm looking forward to seeing my friends and cohosts again, and doing our shows. We don’t know which city or state we’ll be filming in yet, but as with all seasons, it’ll be hot and humid, and I’ll be doing all I can to come up with outfits that look the best they can, with no layers and as thin a fabrics as I can find to pretend I'm not dying from overheating, hahaha.

OK, time to get Ismail out of bed and fed.

See you next week.

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